Employee Assistance Program: How To Disagree Effectively
Disagreements are natural in any relationship. Problems arise, however, when emotions escalate, and disagreements become arguments that are angry and hurtful. During the height of an argument, we forget tht words can deeply and negatively impact a relationship for a long time.
To keep disagreements from deteriorating into arguments, the following suggestions are offered. Thought they certainly won't keep your relationships disagreement free, they may keep them from becoming too hurtful or destructive.
- Be respectful. Avoid put-downs and name-calling. Recognize that everyone has an opinion - and that everyone is entitled to his or her own particular point of view. Strive for mutual and understanding and win-win situations to problematic situations.
- Use "I" statements to express your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and desires. Remember, more often than not, "It's not what you say but how you say it" that makes all the difference between being heard and and understood and being misunderstood or ignored.
- Try the ten-second rule. When emotions escalate, we frequently say things without thinking of the consequences. Stop, breathe, count to ten and collect your thoughts before speaking your mind or responding. Use this time to exercise self-control and think about what you should or would like to say.
- Listen and try to understand what the other person is saying - their point of view. When you don't understand something, ask for clarification. Remember that true communication is a dialogue, a sharing of thoughts, feelings, opinions and information between two people. Whenever possible, create dialogue.
- Stick to the issue at hand. Going back to something that was said or done in the past will only escalate the disagreement.
- Take a time out. If you feel your emotions escalating out of control or your thoughts become confused, take a break and do something safe to calm yourself down.
- Don't answer anger with anger. Stop, tell the other person that you need to excuse yourself from the situation to collect your thoughts, and walk away until emotions have cooled and rational thought returns.
- Apologize when you have been purposefully or inadvertently disrespectful or hurtful. Admit when you are wrong. Be willing to try again to resolve the disagreement and move forward, or let go of the disagreement that cannot be resolved, agree that you disagree and move forward.