Employee Assistance Program: Dealing with Grief and Other Issues
What Is Grief?
Everyone grieves at one time or another in the course of their lifetime. Grief is a natural and necessary reaction to a significant change or loss. Grief may follow a crisis, or stressful or traumatic life event. The grief reaction may be immediate or delayed. The time that it takes to grieve and heal the emotional wound caused by change or loss varies from person to person. However, grieving people share the following feelings:
SHOCK AND DENIAL: Your first reaction may be to simply deny the change or loss. You may find yourself saying "This isn't really happening" or "I can't believe this is happening". You may experience a kind of emotional "numbness", or function on "automatic pilot". Eventually, in your own time, these feelings will pass and the reality of your situation will set in.
ANGER: Losing something important or precious hurts and almost always seems unfair. You may experience feelings of resentment and anger with yourself, others, or your god for not preventing the loss or incident.
GUILT: You may find yourself replaying the incident or events leading to your loss over and over again in your mind. It is not unusual to blame yourself for something that you did or didn't do prior to your loss or incident. You may experience guilt for having survived a situation in which others may have died.
DEPRESSION: As the harsh and painful reality of your situation sets in, you may experience feelings of profound sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, apathy, confusion, anxiety, fear, loneliness and isolation. For a time, you may feel physically and mentally drained. You may experience changes in your sleep pattern and appetite. You may experience a variety of physical complaints or concerns. You may withdraw socially or distance yourself from loved ones. You may have difficulty completing routine tasks or participation in your usual activities of daily living.
ACCEPTANCE: Eventually, with the help of family and friends or a counselor if need be, you will reach a point when you can accept the loss, change and reality of your situation. In time, your emotional pain will lessen. You will become increasingly more focused on the present and future. You will become more hopeful.
For help with these issues, Cornell staff, faculty, and retirees are urged to call the EAP at 255-1531 for more information or to set up an appointment.