Employee Assistance Program: When You Care and Want To Help a Co-Worker
Because people are people and, at best, life is challenging and difficult, multitudes of personal problems are carried into to the workplace. On a daily basis the workplace hosts individuals having personal and/ or family medical concerns, couple and/ or family relationship problems, mental health difficulties, financial stresses, and trauma or grief reactions as a result of historical or current, real or perceived loss.
In an accepting and supportive environment, work can be helpful and therapeutic for the personally and emotionally stressed or troubled individual. A supportive workplace provides structure, routine, social contact and temporary reprieve from personal concerns, worries and problems.
Though not a part of our job description or our personal responsibility to support a co-worker who is struggling with personal issues, we frequently find ourselves in the position where we want to be of help or are called upon to help. Frequently we are put in the position where we must choose to help or not to help, and decide upon the kind of help to offer, how much we can/ will help and for how long we can/ will help.
Because we each have our own personal and/ or work stresses that we face on a daily basis, at any given moment in time we will have different levels of concern for and interest in helping others, and ability, resources and energy to offer others. Always, it is important to recognize our own needs and remind ourselves that we have a choice and a right to choose not to help.
The following ideas, considerations and suggestions are offered to those who choose to help a co-worker who is struggling with personal issues:
- Remind yourself
regularly that you have a choice to help or not to help.
- Offer emotional
support in the form of acceptance, understanding, patience, and
encouragement.
- Encourage
the person, as needed, to seek treatment and/ or to stay in treatment.
Always encourage the person to talk about concerns, worries, and
feelings with his or her counselor or therapist.
- Reassure
the person, regularly if necessary, that with time and help he
or she will feel better. Do not analyze, downplay or criticize
feelings expressed. Do point out positive realities and offer
hope.
- Engage the
person in conversation and be attentive. Resist the urge to function
as a counselor or try to come up with answers to the person's
concerns or problems.
- Avoid engaging
the person in deep discussion of his or her feeling state. Focus
on talk about the here and now, everyday events and on his or
her current thoughts, ideas and activities. Limit deep, personal
conversation to break or lunch time.
- Remind the
person of his or her personal strengths, contributions, accomplishments,
and importance in the workplace.
- Know and
respect your own personal and workplace responsibilities, needs,
and limits. If you begin to feel imposed upon, frustrated or angry,
or emotionally drained by the person, be honest and gently, but
firmly set limits on the amount of time you spend with the person
in the workplace and/ or the content of the conversation. Remind
yourself that you can support, offer suggestions and assist the
person, but that he or she is responsible for his or her emotional
health and well being and that it is ultimately his or her responsibility
to solve life difficulties or problems.
- If you have
difficulty setting limits on the person and his or her problems
are negatively impacting or interfering with your work or personal
life, ask your supervisor for assistance or contact the Employee
Assistance Program.
- If you are
concerned about the person's workplace behavior or performance,
talk with and seek guidance from your supervisor.
- Never
ignore or downplay remarks about suicide or violence. Tell
the person that you are worried and that you can't keep such potentially
dangerous information to yourself. Report them to the person's
supervisor and/ or, if known, contact a family member. Never promise
confidentiality if you believe someone is contemplating or close
to suicide or homicide. If you think immediate self or other-harm
is possible, do not leave the person alone. Contact your supervisor,
the Employee Assistance Program at (607) 255-1531 or dial 911
immediately.
If you are a supervisor of the personally and emotionally stressed or troubled individual:
- Be patient.
- Offer support and assistance as needed.
- To every
extent possible, remain neutral but committed to maintaining a
stable, positive and productive work environment for all.
- Listen to
employee concerns or complaints, if made, regarding the person.
- Talk openly
with the person about workplace and performance issues as they
arise. If necessary, help the person to develop a workplace and
performance improvement plan and time-line.
- If necessary
and possible, temporarily modify work demands and expectations.
- Seek out support and guidance from your supervisor or the Employee Assistance Program, 607-255-1531.
For help with these issues, Cornell staff, faculty, and retirees are urged to call the EAP at 255-1531 for more information or to set up an appointment.
A two-page Word document of this information is available for ease of printing.